About 3 months ago I wote this blog post on a Sunday afternoon, but have not been able to publish it until just now, because our plans for the next few years have been undecided...
Almost a year ago to the day, on July 7th, I wrote THIS post. I remember I had just finished reading a book called Chanda's War, about the invisible children in Africa, who get stolen away during the night and turned into child soldiers. I remember Landon and I were getting ready to go somewhere and I had all these thoughts swarming around in my head that I just really needed to get down into writing, so it wouldn't be like they were never there. So, as Landon was finishing getting ready, I typed furiously and then his "publish" before I had a chance to rethink it. I remember I was nervous about posting it because it would mean that then someone could hold me to it, hold me accountable. It made what I was saying real.
And sure enough, as we were eating lunch with Landon's parents the following Sunday his dad told me about 2 ministry opportunities he could get me in contact with, and he did. And while the timing didn't work out for either Honduras or Haiti right then, the idea that I need to get out and do something and act on these things I'm struggling with has never left me---sometimes it's been in the forefront of my mind and sometimes it's been on the back burner, but it hasn't gone away by any means. I've taken some small steps this year, like making more of an effort to communicate with our sponsored children and volunteering at Impact this summer, but nothing huge. Life was kinda crazy and hectic and before I knew it, a whole year flew by.
Then, about a month ago, as we were driving in the car, Landon turned to me and asked me what I thought about starting a program where people in America can sponsor kids in Africa and send them to school. We could get schools here involved and universities and whoever we could think of. I thought it sounded awesome and it made me more excited than I had been about anything in a while.
A few days later he talked to Liz, a good friend of his who is also an attorney and very focused on humanitarian efforts, largely in Uganda, Africa. She talked with him about our idea and told him that it would be hard, but also told him about a Christian liberal arts University that Richland Hills Church of Christ is in the process of opening in Africa as part of their church-wide mission and we spent a good chunk of time reading up on that because I truly do love teaching and Landon has always talked, off and on, about teaching in a university.
Around this time, the coming Monday in fact, because of some money circumstances with his firm, Landon thought he was going to be let go, and was planning on taking some time, as he looked for another position, to pursue this, especially since we found out that the sister of one of our good friends works at that church and could possibly give us an in.
During all of this, I find myself praying more and reading my Bible more, and with more intensity, than I have in a long time, trying to seek out what His will is and hear His guidance. I remember telling my mom, as we had lunch together later that week, that I love my job and really feel as passionate about it, about teaching kids to read and write and break the cycle of poverty, as anything else I've done, but I keep having this nagging feeling that it's not exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. That's it's just a little off the mark. Funny how the two times I've felt that exact same thing so clearly have been during the summer, when I've had time to slow down and think and seek God. I need to make sure that happens all year long.
A couple of days later, Landon's parents come back from their 2 week mission trip with our church's seniors, and we get to hear all about it. I would love to go visit one day and see the people and places that they're talking about. From the first time I met Landon back when we were still teenagers, one of the things that most drew me to him, and made him stand apart from all the other guys I'd known, was his passion for Africa and the people and poverty there. For a few years now, we're been casually talking with people about how we need to plan a trip over there "one day".
Fast forward to yesterday. We were at 2nd service at church and the sermon was about being a true follower of Jesus and not just being a fan and how being a true follower meant that you actually did something. You put your faith into action; you picked up your cross. And he made the point that picking up a cross and carrying it on your back, no matter how you position it, will never, ever be comfortable. Carrying your cross will never be comfortable.
An hour of so after that, when Landon's dad's missions meeting was over and we were eating at the Black Walnut Cafe with his parents, Landon happened to mention that Blake and Morgan were coming in town for the weekend. His dad stopped eating and looked at us both for a second. Then, he said that he'd like to meet with all four of us at some point while they were in town. His mom laughed. Landon was a little confused. I was a lot confused. I told her that her laugh made me nervous. She laughed again. And finally it was made clear that Wes wanted to talk to us because they are needing a couple of couples to go over to Uganda because after this year they will only have one family over there and he's a medical missionary, not a church planting missionary. Not just for a little trip, like I thought he initially meant, but for a few years. I think the numbers he threw out there were 2 or 3. And I got the same butterflies in my stomach as I did when he told me his idea about sending kids in Africa to school. Landon was a little cautious and his parents didn't push anything. A year or two ago, if his dad would have brought this up, I probably would have just laughed and wished I could go, but not given it much more consideration than that. The fact that today when he said it, something in my heart leapt up and said yes, really made me stop and think. And really hope that when Landon and I talked, he would feel the same way, even though that thought kinda scared me as much as it excited me.
On the way home we talked. We talked about how it could be career suicide for Landon, but how God is bigger than that. We talked about how it wasn't in the plans, but that's not a good reason to pass up something that could be God's plans. We talked about how we both kinda feel like, for lack of a better word, sell outs, for the jobs we're working in, because they're not what we dreamed of doing. And for me, who dreamed of putting together a team and moving somewhere to plant a church, this possibility of Africa touches that part of me that dreamed of that in a way that almost made me tear up as I was talking to Landon about it. We talked for about an hour about it and came to the feeling that we were giving it some fairly serious consideration. Enough to call Blake and Morgan and see what they thought, because our going was pretty conditional on their going--Landon's dad even said he couldn't send one without the other.
That afternoon Landon took a nap and I tried to but just couldn't get my brain to shut down. I just kept thinking about Africa and what it would be like to actually go there for a year or two. To not live in this house anymore. In Houston anymore. In America anymore. I went through points that afternoon when I was ready to go tomorrow and points when I felt crazy and the thought of moving there scared the heck out of me. I never did manage to fall asleep.
So that night around 8pm, as we were hanging out with the dogs at the dog park, sitting on the bleachers by the track and enjoying the surprisingly cool night air, Landon called Blake and Morgan and, tentatively, they're in. And excited. I was a little nervous about that conversation, because I was so afraid they'd say no. But Blake is getting his Masters in Mission and Morgan did marry him, so it makes sense. And it's cool that they're the only couple that we've really traveled with and know we travel well with, considering that we could be potentially taking a huge trip with them in the near future. It's just a comforting thought and one more way it feels like God has been paving the way for this.
Landon and I are just in a position where it feels right. We've both had this thought nagging at us for a while that there's more to it than we're living right now. I don't even really know how to put it into words. I want to say restless, but that's not really it. It's not a negative thing. In all our prayers we're thanking God for how incredibly blessed we are. And we know how blessed we are. And we're not blessed just so we can sit and revel in our blessedness. We're blessed so we can turn around and give back. And right now we don't have kids--and if we're only over there a year or two, we can work out the kid situation just fine. We don't own a house. We're not even terribly settled anywhere in Houston. And we can ship our dogs over there with us. It just feels like there's no time but the present. And I'd hate to look back and know that I missed out on joining God in His work.
So, we're in the process of considering and praying and talking and dreaming and looking at the missionaries houses in Africa on Google Earth and talking about whether or not we'd sell our cars and how we'd ship our dogs and how we'd work out over there and how living in Africa is roughing it and how Landon wouldn't have his Palm Pre and what we'd bring with us and what we'd store and what we'd sell.
It's a strange future to imagine, and hard for me at times since I've never been there, but today, in the words of one of my favorite teacher friends, I feel like it's time to imagine the possibilities and act.
I think we're going. At this moment right now, I hope we are.
Wow! Praying for you guys!!!
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