Two Words

Usually, every year I sit down and make some resolutions, either on New Years Eve or New Years Day.  This year, the idea of making resolutions was on my mind, but I really didn't make any.  Sure, there's things that I want to do this year, like learn more about gardening (and have a bigger garden!), learn more about cooking, read my Bible every day.  But, all of these things I'm going to try to do anyway, so it seemed silly somehow to write them down.

Then, a few days after the new year, I read a friend's blog about putting all of the things she wanted to for the new year in to a word (or two) and that resonated with me--it wasn't a to do list for the new year; it was a sense of who you want to become.  So, in between work stuff and home stuff, in the quiet moments during my drive to work in the morning or a run around the park after work in the afternoon or as I lay awake in bed at night, I mulled this over.  Thought about what my word for 2011 would be.   A bunch of words came to mind, but none seemed just right.   I kept thinking of the word "intentional" but kept asking myself "intentional about what?" and couldn't come up with a good answer.  So, I kept thinking.

Then, a few days ago, I did something that made me realize how selfish and self-focused I can be.    And how this is something that I've continued to struggle with--so often I don't do something for someone else not because I can't or don't want to, but simply because I'm too caught up in my own day to day life, crossing things off of my own personal to do checklist, to think to do it.  And I hate that about myself.  I know I miss so many opportunities to do good, big and small, because I can't see past what I think I need to/want to do that day.

And then the next morning, as I was driving to work in the dark, it came to me.  I knew what my resolution words for 2011 were.

intentional unselfishness.

I want to open my eyes and not miss opportunities.  I want to stop caring so much if everything I wanted to get done that day didn't get done and instead keep time open in my day to do something for other people.  I want to stop making selfish decisions and then pretending they're not selfish.  I want to be the most selfless I can be at home, with Landon, where it often (for whatever reason) seems to be the hardest.  I want to be unselfish with my money, and give sacrificially, not just when I have some extra.  I want to remember that life is not about being happy, but about being holy and faithful and joining God at work.  Life is about other people and serving them and showing them our great God, who gave up His son, so that we could spend eternity with Him.

I want to make it a point to be intentionally unselfish, beginning in 2011.