Imagining A New, Old Reality...and trying to figure things out (LAST POST UPDATED)

If you've just read the previous post (scroll down to read it if you haven't and want to), here is the update.

And so for the past few months, going to Uganda is what Landon and I have been praying about and pursing through out church's missions committee. And, from all we could tell, things were going well. Though it had never been in our plans for our life, we really felt as though Uganda is where we were being called to go and we've been planning out life around that for the last months, really thinking that it would work out.

And then, in the middle of Joseph rehearsal last Friday night, around 9pm, we received a phone call from one of the elders and member of the missions committee that changed all of our plans. Sending shorter term missionaries ended up not being the direction that they decided to go regarding the missionary efforts in Mbarrara, Uganda.

And in that moment, in the middle of Joseph rehearsal, our lives and our plans were changed once again.

All of the things that three months ago had been in our immediate plans, and that had then been pushed back to 2-3 years from now when we returned from Africa, were suddenly back in our near future. Careers, kids, buying a house, settling down. Things that I had been sad to push back a few years when we initially began seriously considering Africa, I'm now somewhat sad to be thinking about again because of what it means we're not doing anymore.

When we first heard the elders' decision, we took it in stride, trusting that it was the right thing. But now that we've had 4 days or so to process it, to realize that life plans have changed once again, time has almost made it harder. It's sinking in how much we really wanted to go, and felt like it's where we were supposed to be. It's sinking in that this place halfway across the world that I have been praying about and researching and reading about and thinking and dreaming about and sending emails to, is a place that I will not even visit (much less live there), at least not in the near future, which is still somewhat unbelievable to me.

And we're kinda feeling at a loss as far as what the future should and will look like for us.

Because we really did feel like that was where God was calling us to go. And because all of the things that we were thinking and feeling before we were approached about Africa is still there. We still feel called to do something. I still feel like teaching may not be exactly where I need to be. None of that has changed.

We're still struggling to try and figure out what God's will is and what His plan and His purpose is for all that happened over the last few months and all He has laid on our hearts over the last year or so.

Are we still supposed to go to Africa, despite the fact that the elders said no? Does this mean we should try a different route? Or is the fact that they said no confirmation that we're not supposed to go? Was God really calling us to go? Or was He testing us to see if we would respond to the call? Was He using us in some other way that we can't see yet? Is there some reason we're supposed to be in the US and not Africa? What do we now do with all that we have been thinking and feeling and struggling with prior to pursuing time in Africa, now that it seems that we will not be heading there next summer?

More so than marathon training and working and rehearsing for our play and all of the other details that are consuming the minutes of our days, these are the things we're trying to figure out these days, as we try and figure out together what God's plan for our lives is and what life is now going to look like. Again.