"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." in John 13:35.

In the Beth Moore Bible Study, David, that my Monday night Bible Study group just finished, one of the chapters is entitled "Old Enemies". Throughout his life, David battled the Philistines, again and again. And, towards the latter part of his life, as King David returned to Jerusalem, he found a situation where he had to take back his throne, because no one was going to hand it over to him. And, just as he was finally about to proclaim victory, the Philistines were at it again. Again, he had to fight the Philistines--the enemy he'd been fighting over and over. And it tells us that David grew exhausted in battle--that he became weary of fighting the same enemy over and over again. According to Beth Moore, the word for exhausted in Hebrew is Uwhp, which means "to cover, to fly, faint, flee away"--the overwhelming desire to run and hide.

We covered this chapter weeks and weeks ago, but these words came back to me this past week, as I found myself fighting old enemies again. Enemies that I've been fighting again and again and that, when I find myself battling them yet again, make me even more frustrated because I thought (or hoped, rather) that they were done with. Taken care of. Enemies like selfishness, pride, anger. Nothing out of the ordinary for a broken world and unfortunately not new things for my life, but things that cause strife and pain and conflict that I'd rather avoid.

And, as we got to church this weekend, I found myself still battling these enemies still, in very concrete ways (though from the outside if most people saw me they'd never know it ). And I sat in church just feeling so broken, feeling so mad at myself and, because I was trying to do it on my own, hopeless that I could be the kind of person I wanted to be. That I could change.

Then, right before the sermon, the band at church started playing "Victory in Jesus". And as I was singing along, my awareness of my brokenness made me really listen to the words I was singing with a hunger for Jesus and His ability to heal and make things whole. And as we started to sing the third stanza, tears started welling up in my eyes.

I heard about His healing,
Of His cleansing pow'r revealing.
How He made the lame to walk again
And caused the blind to see;
And then I cried, "Dear Jesus,
Come and heal my broken spirit,"
And somehow Jesus came and bro't
To me the victory.

It did two things to my heart, simultaneously, as I soaked in the words.

I immediately felt a burned lifted as I felt Jesus saying that everything would be alright, that he would heal my broken spirit and help me to be the person I wanted to be. I was so incredibly thankful to Him for his love. And that sounds silly as I type it out, very churchy, but it was so, so real.

And, it struck me just how hard, how lonely, how hopeless this world, this life, must be if you don't know Jesus. When you hit rock bottom, or even just have a bad week, what do you do when you don't have anyone to cry out to? How must it feel when you don't know you have God fighting for you and promising to heal you? What is life like when you don't know Jesus? When you don't know the price He paid for you and just how much He loves you and is for you?

For the last few hours, literally (I've had it on repeat on Itunes, probably driving Landon crazy :)), I've had Matt Mahr's new song playing. It's called Hold Us Together and I would highly recommend you listening to it--it's AWESOME.

Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm
And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

This is the first, day of the rest of your life
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright, s'gonna be alright

In this broken, hurting world, we are called to be our brother's keeper. We are called to love, above and beyond, and not just when it's easy. It's easy for me to love my students, who I know come from broken homes and hard situations. It's easy for me to look out for them and go above and beyond and do what I can to help. For some others in my life, that above and beyond kind of love, that brother's keeper kind of love, that let's broken, hurting people know they're not alone, doesn't come so easily. In fact, not easily at all. But we're still called to love them.

And I like the last stanza. This is the first day of the rest of your life. How I've lived, how I've loved, the person I've been in the past, is in the past. Today is the first day of the rest of my life--it's time to start loving, really loving, in order to point people to Jesus, who is the one who can heal and restore and bring life. And remember and really believe and have hope in the fact that He can and will do the same in my life.